New Year's Eve

It doesn't feel like New Year's Eve.  It feels like we have one more day of Matt's vacation before he has to go back to work.  It feels like we still have six solid months before we have any clue what our future holds.  I think, in 2012, I was more active in leading my life the way I wanted, rather than waiting until tomorrow.  Just like everyone else, I have the feeling of a need to get my shit together.  Also, like everyone else, I have a list of "resolutions", but with a twist inspired by the speaker I heard on Sunday:

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1.  Go to church.  Don't worry; not the regular one.  Matthew says it's good I'm "gettin' some churchin'".  Ya, know, being an avid heathen and all.  He is also thankful that I'm "starting the girl one early".  No, it's the North Idaho congregation of the Unitarian Universalists (affectionately called hippie church).  They meet Sunday and talk about things that are relevant to me and my agnostic family.  I will continue to attend, participate and hopefully, it will help with my next resolution...

2.  Stop being such a cynic.  I tend to see the worst in people, noticing the crappiness of humanity and the advantage we take of one another.  Instead, I'd rather be part of the positive.  I cannot change others; I can only change myself and my perspective.  This is, of course, an ongoing process--not a switch that I can simply turn on or off.

3.  Keep my nonsense organized.  I love lists and calendars and office supplies.  I like to keep the necessary chaos of my life in check.  I have some big projects and an affliction of not starting without a list and not finishing...ever.  It is important to take initiative in my own space and to finish those projects fully and efficiently.  That being said, I must also...

4.  Breathe.  I need to stop trying to move so quickly.  I am getting better, but there is still room for improvement.  Prioritize relaxation.

5.  Love my children.  This is not so much a resolution, but must continue to be a vital part of my life.  Love them, and show them all the time.  Enjoy them.  Sometimes they will be frustrating (so often, they will be frustrating...), but I must exercise patience.  I learned on Sunday that the hormone triggered by an emotion is released from and fully gone from the body within 90 seconds.  Three deep breaths.  I will spend entire days breathing deeply, but I will not wish for them to get older.  It may be hard now, but the challenges will only change as they age--not disappear.  And, before I know it, I will be twenty years older, and they will be gone.

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6.  As always, I gotta back on that weight loss train.  Eating whatever I want has been great for Christmas, but I'm sluggish and bloated.  Back to kick boxing, yoga, feeling good about myself.  I'll never look like I did before I grew those babies up in mah body, but I can gain back some self-confidence.  I used to be able to go into a store and buy whatever item I wanted, certain it would fit and look good.  That's no longer the case.  I'd like it to be, regardless of whether it's always going to be slightly larger size.  In this, I am going to stop looking solely at the number, and focus more on my self-image.  I must also realize that when I stop hating what I see in the mirror, that is not an excuse to stop working. 

7.  Financial goals: pay off credit cards, save enough to be able to buy a house (whether it be here or elsewhere), work on excess spending and keep focus on budget restrictions; get back into couponing in order to put extra savings aside for our family's future.

But, seriously, folks:  Happy Freakin' New Year!!  I hope 2013 treats everyone well.  There will be pitfalls, but let's be better together!