Ladies, Don't Dye Your Hair at Home

This is a post about not practicing what you preach.

I hate my hair. I readily admit that it's straw-like, never-a-unified-color state is my.own.damn.fault. But, somehow, that doesn't stop me from blaming the spitefulness of nature for bestowing upon me this nigh unmanageable mane. While I love getting my hair cut and styled, the thrifty lady in me cringes at the thought of shelling out between $70-150 to have my hair colored at the salon. Sure, they would probably use products that didn't leave my hair feeling/looking like I spent an hour making out with an electrical socket. Might be they would get it right the first time and would not have to make an eleven-p.m. run to Walgreen's to score another home hair-dye kit. Of course, it would be nice to sit in a room and read a magazine without the punctuations of needy children, complete with periodic scalp massages. But, nevertheless, I am dying my hair at home tonight. For the third night. In a row.

I have home-dyed my hair every color there is (as an angsty teenager and this week alone), and I can tell you now with certainty, as an adult, that it is well worth the cost to have a professional do it. My problem with that, other than shelling out some bills, is that they often refuse to do what I want, insisting it won't look good on me. But I want what I want, so I do it at home. However, there is enough red in my hair, that home lightening makes it orange, inevitably. Using a violet toner on top of that turns it white. Boxed red hair fades and turns into a brassy nightmare of what once well before the 28 washed the directions suggest. Black hair... blue. I have no words for how many different products and colors my hair has been in the last three days. And I am no closer to liking the hellish locks that sit upon my no-longer-glowing-with-pregnancy complexion.

In case you haven't guessed, I never learn.

I have also discovered that, at a measly age of twenty-four, I am too damn old for pink streaks in my hair. When did I get so old?