Circuit Overload

I've been spinning in circles for about two months now. (Matt offered this appropriate description of my fraught and frantic scrambling for purpose.) I thought I had gotten my head on straight and I dove into several projects. Book club, weight loss group, selling crap (not literally) online, couponing, hosting game nights and playdates in addition to the random do-it-myself refurbishments sitting in the garage. April was going to be a big month, but here, ten days in, I feel just fried. It's difficult to even eke out this post, but I have so much I'm not doing, I feel like I must accomplish something--even if it's nothing more than formal excuses.

A note to all: women create drama. They just do; they can't not. I know this may sound misogynistic, but I know my sex. I know myself. I hate it. I need to cool off facebook for a bit; I megaloathe that site and my addiction to it. Somehow I need to find calm; somehow I need to be in my happy place. I need a mini-vacation from the nonsense that plagues my every waking moment. What am I doing here? This is not a funny post, as you can see. This is not a cry for help.

My brain feels like overcooked bacon, and there is still so much laundry to clean and fold... Where is that drive and passion that led me for 20 years? I spent that time thinking I was going to be something else... an artist; a traveler with my camera at my hip. I always wanted a baby. I thought I would take her with me. Why didn't anyone tell me that she would be the boss? That finding myself would be at the bottom of a very long and tedious list?

Please don't think I'm planning on doing anything crazy. It's just very difficult to remember what's really important when my mind won't stop tripping over trivia.